snape gets whats comming to him
by thumper
Summary: WARNING: Seriusly stupid fic here read this if you are crazy...oh for all those poeple who have read this im thinking about having a little more then just snape getting what he deserves but it will be the same old fic hey dont blame me you guys asked for
1. Default Chapter

A.N. sorry to subject people to this kind of torture but I am really bored and I have been a naughty girl, anyway don't read this if you don't like stupid things!

I m sitting at my computer trying to do some homework, watch TV (Daria was on and it was a new episode), listen to music and ummmm I forget what else I was doing at the time. So there I was doing my homework (sort of, I think I really confused the teacher when there were bits of songs and TV shows all through my essay about history) when the news at five came on (maybe it was the news at six? I don't know) telling me all about the new Harry Potter movie, well needless to say I was a little distracted, and then I thought to myself well my homework is almost finished so I put the internet on and went to fan fiction.

Now I m going to ask all those people out there who spend a lot of time on the computer to be sympathetic, please. Well you know what its like when you find one of those fan fics that are really interesting and about 22 chapters long (personal favorite L/J or anything with Sirius Black he rocks) and its about nine at night now and my friend rings up(she is Satan, seriously I get all my evil/dumb ideas off her, cant tell you any of them because she will kick my ass for giving away trade secrets). Don't get me wrong Satan is one of my best friends and she is really………..nice (I m getting held at gunpoint) anyway she gave me this idea and I am really sorry if it gets confusing for some people out there oh and don't get offended by all the swearing but if you get offended stop reading!

Disclaimer: everything that doesn't belong to me doesn't belong to me, it probably belongs to JKR or Placebo or Fat Boy Slim or my friends or someone, its all stolen material!!

A friend in need is a friend indeed

A friend with weed is better

A friend with breasts and all the rest

A friend that's dressed in leather

-Placebo-

Snape: well, well, well what are you doing here?

Thumper: I could ask you the same!

Snape: don't you take that tone with…

Thumper: go fudge yourself snape! 

Snape: WHAT!

Thumper: I didn't stutter…I said go fudge yourself 

Snape: that's it detention

Thumper: wow now I m REALLY scared

Snape: you will be once I ve finished with you!

Thumper: yeah sure, there is just one thing you forgot…

Snape: what?

Thumper: I don't go to this school, and I m a fan fic author

Snape: so?

Thumper: so I m writing this story right…(Snape nods his head sadly)…and I can do anything I want…. like…I dunno make you a ballerina!

Snape: you wouldn't!

Thumper: I would! What's the matter Snapey? Getting a little scared, are you going to stop making everyone miserable and be a good little boy?

Snape: mumble mumble

Thumper: I can't hear you…

Snape: yes

Thumper: what?

Snape: yes

Thumper: yes….?

Snape: yes Madame

Thumper: bark like a dog!

Snape: woof woof

Thumper: cool I love this power! Oh Snape if I hear you are misbehaving I will be back! And next time ill bring Satan!! Now sing this muggle song…

Snape: we've come a long long way together through the hard times and the good I have to celebrate you baby I have to praise you like I should….

Thumper: I love this song come on everyone lets dance…you too Snapey

Alright I've finished torturing snape, I know it was shit but review and tell me in your own words how crap it is


	2. Snape:the asshole

A.N. ok people those who get offended really easy don't read this you little wosses (I don't know if that's how you spell it) there is occasional coarse language…hay who am I kidding the whole thing is full of coarse language!! This is a fanfic dedicated to…ummm…Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Harry Potter, Neville Longbottom (hehe he has a very funny last name, ok not as funny as mine, its Blank for all those people out there, no really my last name is Blank) and all those people who have funny last names!! Or funny first names! Because of their stupid parents who are brain dead or just really mean

Snape: The asshole (by the way that's the title)

Another terrifying class with Snape, Neville has yet again really pissed Snape off and Hermione, Ron and Harry are arguing with Snape, meanwhile Draco (dickhead of the year) is snickering with the rest of his slytherin supporters, when all of a sudden someone turns up at the door (well it kind of obvious who it is)…THUMPER.

Thumper: Snape what are you doing!!

Snape has at this moment backed Neville into a corner (not a dirty joke I m not like that!) and is giving him the stare of death.

Snape: what the hell are you doing here! This is a classroom for students not fanfic authors!

Thumper: Oh dear it seems that you have forgotten our last conversation…you know the one about me turning you into a ballerina!

Snape: Ha like I care if you turn me into a ballerina, I'd just turn myself back!

Thumper: not if I have your wand broken, and I take away your magic powers, turning you into a…what's that word you guys use?…oh yea muggle! 

Snape: you wouldn't! 

Thumper: oh yes I would, I warned you Snape, I told you that you had to be nice but no you completely ignored me…so now Im going to get you really bad.

The entire class was now watching with great interest, as Thumper turned Snape into a ballerina and took away his magic

Snape: fuck you, you little bitch I will get you back!

Thumper: I don't think so as you have no magic powers, by the way Snape have you had a shower today?

Snape: why should I tell you!

Thumper: I don't care if you tell me or not because the next time I see you picking on your students…well lets just say you will smell nice for the rest of your life.

Snape: NOOOOO, DUMBLEDORE GET YOUR FUCKING ASS DOWN HERE!!

Snape was starting to get really good at ballet by the time Dumbledore did arrive, and seeing the scene before his eyes he tried his hardest not to giggle 

Dumbledore: What is going on here?

Thumper: I m teaching Snape

Dumbledore: and who are you?

Thumper: the all powerful and eccentric god…but you can call me Thumper, I m also a fanfic writer

Dumbledore: how interesting you must tell me more…

Snape: Dumbledore what the fuck are you doing!

Dumbledore: well as you can see im trying to have a conversation! (turning back to Thumper) excuse me dear but would you ming turning him back into an ordinary Severus Snape?

Thumper: sure but im not giving him his powers

Dumbledore: fine, that's ok I never liked him any way (Thumper stops ballerina Snape) thank you my dear, now will you come up to my office I must find out about this fanfic stuff…

Thumper: sure why not I've got all day, although I really should be at my muggle school…oh well what am I going to learn!

Snape: B..b..but Professor, what am I supposed to do?

Dumbledore: oh go fuck your self like I care!

And Thumper and Dumbledore disappear down the corridor leaving a speechless and humiliated Snape behind them

Snape: I'll get you back Thumper if it's the last thing I do…

Well there it is, and there wasn't as much swear words as I thought there would be…oh well maybe next time kiddies………….by the way who likes placebo? The band?………no one? Oh well it doesn't matter

You know what to do now and I trust you will be responsible, but be irresponsible and I will kick your Asses!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but myself


	3. Snape's revenge

Ok people, I hope you all appreciate what im doing cause right now I should be doing an oral for English but as its my worse subject it doesn't really matter…..ill do it during my spare. DO NOT BLAME ME FOR THE LAMENESS OF THIS FIC blame the drugs (oh sweet drugs – you know the drugs don't work they just make you worse), sugar, and not having enough sleep. Has anyone seen Jack Frost? Its a b-grade horror movie and it is the funniest thing I have ever seen except of coarse Cinderella in PORN…I didn't choose the movie my friends brother did!! But of coarse I wasn't in much of a state to argue…I had a wee too much to drink, that's probably why the movie was even funnier and the reason why we didn't turn it off (no puns intended) ok well I don't like snape but I have to give him his hour of 'Glory' although he doesn't deserve it cause he is a meany although….back onto the subject, I have a lot of theories about Harry Potter and I'll insert them at the bottom anyway here it is…

Snapes revenge (very original isn't it, sort of like 5ive - they probably stayed up all night to think of that original name)

Well when we last left our little heroine she…

Thumper: Little!! Who are you calling little, shrimp!

Me: ok ok fine have it your way

Anyway as I was saying/typing before I got rudely interrupted (looks pointedly at thumper – although that is mission impossible as I am thumper) We last left our brave, strong, and pretty heroine…

Thumper: Much better

…with Dumbledore, and Snape was really pissed off (when isn't he?)…

Snape: I'll get you Thumper and your little dog too!! Wahahaha (evil laugh)….oh shit stupid muggle movies! I shouldn't have been watching daytime television

Meanwhile at Dumbledores office…

Dumbledore: so that's how you make porridge (hehe couldn't help myself, I love that add)

Thumper: (confused) Nooo, that's how I can do all this amazing stuff like predict what your going to say next

Dumbledore: oh, really 

Thumper: yea, I predict you are going to say 'that's amazing thumper, how come your so smart?'

A.N. ok well I m only going to use the first letters of their names now cause I m getting pissed off

D: that's amazing thumper, how come you know that?

T: well you can't be right all the time! (mumbled to herself) well dumbledore that's an interesting question but I cant be bothered telling you about it so heres the script

D: cool, you can go and join the Griffindor table for lunch if you want

T: ok…oh and by the way is it true that muggle cd players don't work here because of all the magic in the air?

D: nup we just say that so none of the students get influenced to take drugs and do generally bad things

T: cool so can I listen to my portable cd? I'll make sure no one sees it

D: sure, fine with me, I'll see you later then Miss Thumper

T: sweet, bye!

In the great hall…

Ron: did you guys see Snapes face!

Harry: I so wish I had a camera!

Hermione: oh look theres thumper, hey thumper over here (hermione is waving frantically but thumper doesn't see and doesn't hear because she was listening to Placebo, and trying to find her favorite cd – powderfinger of coarse)

Harry: I'll get her

Thumper finds her cd and gives herself a little cheer as Harry walks up and taps her on the shoulder making thumper drop her cd's in shock

T: what the fuck!

H: oh sorry, I didn't mean to, are they ok?

T: its ok but if any have broken you are paying for them

H: sure, hey I thought you can't have muggle appliances here because of the magic?

T: well I suppose I m just damn special

Harry led thumper over to the Griffindor table all the while talking and laughing, all the teachers were talking and laughing amongst themselves except for one exception – Snape

S: yes go and hang out with that Griffindor scum, I'll get you back, and when I do…but heres a little dose of whats coming

And pointing his wand at thumper he muttered some words and thumpers cd play blew up and all her cds broke

T: (really really pissed off – well who wouldn't be if someone blows up your cd player and ALL your cds!) ok that's it who ever did that is going to pay, I don't mind if you curse me or tease me but when you wreck my cds especially my powderfinger cd its personal!

To be continued….

Well people? What did you think and I know your out there I can hear you breathing!!! Im running out of ideas can someone give me a clue??? Oh and here are my theories about…

Snape: he's a virgin that's why he is so pissed off all the time (sexual frustration although who would sleep with Snape? Unless he really looks like Alan Rickman and in that case who wouldn't!)

Crabb & Goyle: they take steroids

Magic: the reason why we so called 'muggles' don't know about 'hogwarts' is because its like a matrix thing except all magic people are on drugs that's why they see what they do!

Well I cant remember what else but that's it…oh yea well everyone knows 'you know who' owns all HP merchandise and the only thing I own is….ummm….oh yea me, myself and thumper 

Ok it is official fanfiction.net is * beep ** beep * annoying me it is refusing to upload my fic!! By the way iam trying to make sure this doesn't get rated any higher


	4. well ummm......i dont know!

A.N. Ummmm well it's a bit stupid this part but I have only had three hours sleep, take that into consideration when you review if you do and remember people flaming me is better then ignoring the fact you read my fanfic and how is any body suppose to know their fic is crap if you don't give constructive criticism!

Your such an inspiration for all the ways that I will never ever choose to be like

_Oh so many ways for me to show you how your faith has abandoned you_

## Fuck your god 

_Fuck your lord and your Christ_

_~ A Perfect Circle ~ _

ok hoped you liked that little bit of music now on with the fic…

Thumper: (said loud enough for the whole hall to hear) no one wreaks my cd player, all my cd's and my powderfinger cd and gets away with it! im going to kill who ever did this!!!

Thumper looks around the hall to find suspects, of coarse every one (besides snape and the slytherins) look really shocked -from the blast- and several people have crowded around thumper asking her if she is ok

Thumper: I m fine! Just leave me alone 

Leaving the gathering crowd around her, she walks up to the head table straight for snape (shes already gathered that the slytherins are too smart for a prank like this, and that there is only one retard dumb enough)

Thumper: (said so only snape can hear her) I'll get you snape, this is war!

Thumper disappears out of the hall and walks to madame pomfreys hospital wing, she had her eyebrows singed and her once black corset and mini skirt now had brown marks all over it

Snape: stupid mudblood thinks she can threaten me well I'll show her no one messes with Severus Snape and gets away with it

Harry: I wonder what she said to Snape?

Ron: well we won't find out by just sitting here lets find her…do you have your map Harry?

Harry: yeah, lets go…are you coming Hermione?

Hermione: yeah, I hope she gets snape back for what he did(she already knows its Snape as all the evidence points to him)

Ron: How do you know its Snape?

Hermione: I'll tell you later Ron…

So the three friends go together to find Thumper

Thumper is changing from her corset, skirt, fishnet stockings and CFM boots (come fuck me boots – come up past your knee) when Harry, Ron and Hermione walk in, and as Thumper has just taken off her corset they can see her tattoo of a black cat on its hunches (that's the tattoo I m getting in three months!) on her stomach (she wears a singlet top under her corset)

Harry: sweet tattoo!

Thumper: yeah I got it about 6 months ago, I love it

Ron: That's the best tattoo I have ever seen, better then Bill's dragon

Harry: when did he get that?

Ron: almost as soon as he left Hogwarts, mum was really pissed

Hermione: RON!!

Thumper: come on Herm you've heard worse swear words in the last 24 hours because of me eg. Fuck, bastard, bitch, asshole etc

Hermione: Yeah but hardly anyone at Hogwarts knows what they mean besides muggle borns

Thumper: you mean Malfoy and his group don't know what they mean, and the reason I haven't gotten in trouble is because none of the teachers know what they mean?

Hermione: well…yeah

Thumper: sweet, hehehe (evil smile)

Hermione: what are you thinking Thumper…

Thumper: you'll find out soon enough Hermione…

TO BE CONTINUED IF I GET ANY GOOD IDEAS…

Help help help I don't know what to write next can someone anyone please think of something!! Im on my hands and knees begging

### 

### Tell me where I m supposed to beguin 

_Unhappy life working some kind of dead end job_

_Everything you thought you had has gone from worse to bad_

_So lean to the side, whisper it quiet_

_The end is in sight to working all night around the clock_

_For everything you thought you had has gone worse to bad_

_But its not my kind of scene oh yea, footprints on the other side _

_Not me where ive been oh yea, are words from the other side_

_~ Powderfinger ~_

_ _

I love Powderfinger!!!!!


End file.
